Ooh life. That is what I say when I just don’t understand things. Which is hardly ever. I am finally on vacation. I have 3 days left. I am in a half full/half empty glass situation. It’s half over but I have half left. Sometimes I think if I don’t make these entries (even as seldom as I do) that I won’t remember the amazing times I have. It’s odd how brains choose to remember certain times and then forget or completely block out other times.
Let me tell you about my vacation. It started a tad late. Monday night I closed at work. I managed to misplace 886.00. That is a lot of money! So I looked and looked and could not manage to find my mistake anywhere! So yes, the day before I leave for vacation it looks like I have stolen almost 1000.00. So naturally my overactive anxious mind goes home and cries about it because I just know if they don’t find it I will be fired. How can I survive without my job? I wish I didnt always think the worst. I dont make loads of money, but I make more than your average middle class I suppose. Lets just say minimum wage would not cut it by any means!
So Tuesday I get a call saying omg what did you do! Call me back later. So then I get another call saying ok its fine we have found it and go ahead to leave for your trip!
Yay! I think! I can enjoy vacation! Then half way to st augustine I get ANOTHER call. Just kidding we didnt find it. So I rack my little brain and figure out what I have done wrong and TRY to tell them that over the phone. Some things just arent easy to explain. So they say they will call me back after they try to fix it. Nobody ever called me back. I texted one of my friends and she told me it was fixed. So I ended up enjoying my time away.
Some times I feel like I want to travel the world. Sometimes I feel like I have found my favorite places in the world and I want to just travel there over and over and over. St. Augustine is one of those places. I have been at least once a year for the past 10 years. It is less than two hours away from where I live but it feels like another world. The air is different, the people are different. When I come home I really miss it. It’s weird. Normally I can not wait to be home. But now that I am home I can’t wait to be back. The past few years I have been battling with spurts of anxiety. I would not call myself depressed. I just over think certain situations and sometimes see no way out of them. I have days where I am just not as optimistic as I should be. I have friends that deal with this “condition” by drinking. I do not find this to be a good idea. However, when I was in St. Augustine I went on a pub tour and had 2 drinks…not hard liquor either. And I was seriously the happiest I have been in months! I suppose it was just enough to fog my mind. It was almost perfect. Sooo ooh life. It’s nice to have the foggy brain on the St. Augustine Bayfront at midnight when the air is perfect. Even if it only lasts a short while. I have a to do list before I go back to work way too early Monday to get attacked for my mistake. Saturday is a 5k. I really dont know how I feel about 5ks cause I hate them while I am doing them, but when im done I am happy I did it. I have a weird way of looking at things I guess.
It has been a long while since I have used my writing outlet. Perhaps that is part of the reason I have been sooo grumpy! The other part is working ALL of the time! and when im not working I feel like im working! I still have 27 long long days until vacation. Today was my first day off in 7 days! I spent it running errands and hanging out with friends. It was all nice until my Mom called saying my Grandpa is not doing so well. He is getting up there in years so it is understandable. I was never very close with him, but I feel sad none the less. Mostly sad for my Mom because he lives far away and all she wants is to go see him. I hope that she gets to and that it makes things a little easier for her. I hate talking about death. I am still in pursuit of a prince charming. This is a rough task. I have visited Disney world recently! and I will be going again next Friday so thats a plus! I can feel fall trying to bust through! The night comes sooner and the air is not as sticky as it was a month ago. It is still in the 90’s in the afternoon…but in the next few weeks I think that will go away. When the terrible humid grossness of summer goes away, people start to smile more. I know I do! I will have to start running soon. I have 3 5ks to do and at this rate my time will be 75 minutes! I want it to be 56 mins, 53 mins, and 51 mins! turkey trot! 51 mins. We’ll see how that goes. I have 7 more bdays to buy for in the next month. hash tag broke girl. Well, my rant is over for now. Heres to hoping for peace and a new found love.
So i’ve been on youtube just farting around and one of my recommended videos was the Cranberries, so naturally I had to listen because I have been attached to them since I was a child. I vividly recall sitting on the living room floor when I was like 10 waiting for their songs to come on the radio so I could record them…on a tape player. Then when I was 12 living in Tennessee I had the cassette tape and I would listen to it on my walk man ALL the time! So listening to this now makes me think of that shit hole Tennessee town, I almost kind of miss it. Not it per say but how things were then. Before cell phones and computers. When my biggest worry was what flavor slush puppy to get at lunch! Buh! Growing up is no bueno sometimes. I heard of another person and a shitty battle with cancer. If I could change one thing in the world that would be it. Onto happier things! I have become quite taken with a guy I see at work. He is very German, and I have spoken with him a handful of times but thats ok. When you become almost 30 and single you have to make opportunities right? So after months of seeing him come in I decided he was pretty cute. So I naturally told all of my friends this and one got the scoop that he is single and looking. So I took it upon myself to leave a note asking for his name, which he gave me. But now what? It has been literally 9 years since I have put myself way out there. I get all shy and stupid if a guy knows I like them. Sometimes I only like them till they show interest. My New York plans went down the shitter! But I might go to California instead, one of the only places I dont want to go haha but a friend lives there so its ok. And it will be some sort of travel. I need to go to Disney and get a hair cut. I finally regret not going to Ireland. Fuck anxiety. I wish I could figure life out, nobody ever will. No Dr’s or psych Dr’s. I guess I just want to know what will make me accomplished enough in the end? Normal people don’t think like this. I need a hobby! Too bad I can’t afford my Rosetta Stone. Read the rest of this entry →
First I read a prompt that said imagine a life without e-mail, can you do it? Yes of course I lived a life without e-mail. I was about 13 or 14 when the internet became the rage. I was a kid! I went outside I talked on the phone I rode my bike and I lived. I could be perfectly content without e-mail, I in fact prefer snail mail.
Enough of that! The next writing prompt was about the furthest I have traveled from home. That would be the glorious New York City! It was an 18 hour drive to NY and worth every second. What you see on tv…it is just like that..and more! And as long as I live I will never forget lugging a suit case on a 18 hour drive then a 3 hour bus ride, through a subway station up 3 flights of stairs to end up in the center of the breath taking time square. If you are anything like me and enjoy busy polluted cities slammed packed with a hodge podge of cultures, you will love it! But if you enjoy the calm peacefulness of say Tennessee…never go to NY. People walk to fast, they don’t give correct directions, its dirty and stinky, but it is like a whole new world. And I am counting the seconds until I return! Hurry up March!
You know that feeling, when your boss stands just a little too close? I like that, because it means I can get away with more.
My posts are turning into live journal meets facebook. I hate reading “this is what I did today and this is what i’m doing tomorrow.” That is not what catches attention. And we all know everything we do is for attention. Well, maybe not everything. I booked the fanciest room in St. Augustine for Oct 1st. Haters gonna hate.
My mission in life is just to keep going. People always wanna judge you and say look at those dollar signs. Well, I always think things like that when people throw their money away, but I bite my tongue! That is a quality I think everyone should have. The know when to shut up quality.
I have a pedi appointment Wednesday! Perhaps it will get rid of some of my bitterness. I am about 2 weeks over due.
I am off to buy shit for my year away from now Marie Antoinette Birthday party! Which some people don’t think will happen. Oh but it will.
Hello, I keep playing the same song over and over. That is what happens when I realize I love it.
To top it off it is a nice 80’s band called New Order.
Today was dreadfully boring! My only source of entertainment today was cutting the grass and watching Benny and Joon. I did also go to the dump, but that is never entertaining. I have to work at 6:00 in the am, that might come normal to some people, but to me it is the worst! I hate waking up before the sun especially to work! So I spent my day dreading that. Well, somewhere in my day I decided I HAD to have a 30th Birthday blow out bash! I have a year to plan and a couple of talented bffs to help me plan! Vicky of course, Heather ann, and I think Wendy and Jamie too, since they are most recently married and have planning experience. I went through themes….starting with masquerade, going through Gossip Girl, Tiffanys, NY, Paris, Princess, Disney, and settling on Marie Antoinette! Its almost like everything in one…minus the NY. I have ideas bouncing around in my head. I know where I want it who I want to be there and what I want to happen. poker with fancy chips and a champagne fountain. The rest we’ll just make up as we go along. Since i’ll never get married I need the party that everyone else gets. I think it will be a blast, even if it is in July. Tomorrow I am going to suffer until 2:45 then take an epic nap then probably go to Vickys to start the year long planning process and then trivia! Which we havent been to in months so im very excited! Im off Saturday too and im trying to convince Vicky to go to the butterfly rain forest, Sophie would LOVE it! and its nice picture opportunities. Anywho, pray I live through the opening shift.
Life is trudging on same as always. Yesterday was mighty productive! I went to Wendy’s house to partake in a yard sale! Not before I went to get yummy fresh donuts! I made no more than 20.00 but it was still fun and we plan to have another one soon. After the yard sale I went to the movies with my Mom to see The Lone Ranger, I really liked it. Johnny Depp is amazing no matter what he does. I ended my Saturday night at Joe and Jamies for fight night! It was fun as always! Vicky passed out…as always lol. Today work was incredibly boring and im sure the rest of the week will be no better. I am watching my most favorite show and dreaming of NYC. Boo is being a spoiled baby and wont eat dry food…no bueno. Thats not good for his teeth, I might have to buy doggy tooth brush. yucko. I am supposed to go to dinner at Jodie’s tomorrow. Wednesday I AM going to Target! Starbucks! Yum Yum. My want list is ever growing and done list is still empty. Or so it seems. I am no where near excited for my Birthday.
My blogging days are almost over.
Unless something amazing happens.
P.S Penn Badgley is soo cute